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1]My laziness is like 8, when I lie down it becomes infinity 
:p
:p
2]CGPA available for adoption… can’t raise it myself.
3]Contributing to entropy since 1994.
4]One person’s LOL is another’s WTF!
5]Darr k aage jeet hai….aur dadar k aage seat hai (Just for mumbaikars)
6]I will be back before you pronunce afjkhnfkualnfhukcakecnhkj.
7]Dream as if you’ll live forever..Live as if tomorrow is last one.
8]Galileo:Great mind…Einstein:genius mind…Newton:Extraordinary mind….Bill gates:brilliant mind…..ME:Never Mind.
9]I had to take sick day.I’m sick of those peoples.
10]Just wanted to say, you are as useless as “ueue” in a “queue”.
11]Sleep till you’re hungry….Eat till you’re sleepy.
12]My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
13]lazy People Fact #5812672793
You were too lazy to read that number.
You were too lazy to read that number.
14]Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so near to monday????
15]I like to take road less travelled…..helps me to avoid traffic.
16]Wow now I’m a graduate…….Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains .
17]I can see you checking my whatsapp status. B)
18]Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.True story.
19]I’am looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
20]Second chances are for losers….either we do it in first place or live it for others.
21]I wish I could loose weight as easy as I lose my pens,keys,smartphone,my temper and even my mind.
22]fun is like life insurance.The older you get..the more it cost’s.
22]I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by selling my car.
23]My week is basically …Monday–>Monday#2–>Monday#3–>Monday#4–>Friday–>Saturday–>pre-Monday
24]We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.
25]Tried to loose weight…….But it keeps finding me.
26]If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
27]formula for success…….under promise and over deliver…….
28SI unit of ignorance = “seen”
29]Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my watsapp status….
30]I wish I had google in my mind and antivirus in my heart.
31]I just saved lot of money by lic life insurance ……..By not having any.
32]Love marriage is like dancing in front of snake and asking him to bite.
33]Error: status unavailable
34]Waiting for wi-fi network.
35]Jidhar apna CRUSH hai , udhar hich sala RUSH hai and filhaal timepass k liye only CANDYCRUSH he…(hindi)
36]Always remember you are UNIQUE………… just like everybody else.
37]I don’t care what people think or say about me, I was not born on this earth to please everybody.
38]Tip to avoid car insurance……….Join facebook and never leave home.
39]You can’t put a value on a human life,but my wife’s life insurance company made a pretty fair offer.
40]Even romeo went from being “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated”.
41]Sorry vegetarians we can’t pretend
42]They say we learn from our mistakes; so I m making as many as possible!!!Soon I will be a genius :-B
43]I will marry the girl who look as pretty as in her Aadhaar card (or in matrimonial sites)!!!!
44]I was not busy to be online… I had just gave up on my life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as “Free Recharge”
45]Give a man fish and you’ll feed him for a day.Teach a man to fish and you can then stick him with a huge amount of fishing School loans.
46] At last got to know how to loose weight in 10 days :Just turn your head right right then left and repeat whenever offered any food 
47]I started out with nothing and i still have most of it:)
48]I took IQ test …..results were negative
49]Should transformers take car insurance or life insurance…..
50]If procrastination was an Olympic event ,I’d compete in it later.
51]Your whatsapp status say’s online …..If your online then why aren’t you texting me
52]I am not questioning your honour. I am denying its existence.
53]My attitude will always be based on how you treat me.
54]Happiness is when “Last seen at” changes to “online” and then to “typing..”
55]Study economics-when you’re unemployed, at least you’ll know why.
56]I’m listening. It just takes me a minute to process so much stupidity all at once!!
57]Don’t talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the whole street’
58]You are the product of 4 billion years of evolution, now fucking act like it.
59]I’ll try being nicer if you start being smarter.
60]Don’t be racist, hate everyone.
61]Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
62]I meditate for 20 min every morning …..It helps reduce stress of being 20 min late for everything
63]Better the vacuum cleaner the better it sucks!!
64]Went to a fish market and shouted at them saying “What is this, a classroom?”, thereby maintaining the balance of the universe.
65]I did lots of stupid things on social networking sites but atleast i never commented “Cute pic dear “on girls profile picture
66]A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
67]Life will give you exactly what you need, not what you want
68]Life is too short. Dont waste it removing pen drive safely.
69]I wish i could trade my heart for another liver …..so that i can drink more and care less
70]Intelligence is like underwear. It’s important that you have it but there’s no need to show it off.
71]I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
72]Coins Always Make Sound But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent! ?that’s why i’m always Calm & Silent
73]Stop checking my status ! Go Get A Life 
74]A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
75]I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!
76]Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.
77]I Am Not Special , I Am Just Limited Edition
78]”Please don’t get confused between my personality & my attitude.
My personality is who I am & my attitude depends on who you are!”
My personality is who I am & my attitude depends on who you are!”
79]When you feel insulted I’m just describing you.
80]Xcuse me..I found something under my shoes. .ohh its your Attitude.
81]Love is that state of mind when a karan johar film becomes bearable.
82]I’m cool but global warming made me hot
83]When i am good i am best , when i am bad i am worst.
84]Without me its just awso.
85]Sometimes i just wish i’ could fast forward the time to see if in the end it’s all worth it.
86].One wise guy invented mobile application Whatsapp…..and his wife added last seen feature 
87]I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
88]100,000 sperms and i was the fastest;)
89]I like to always carry two sacks around. That way, if someone asks me to lend them a hand, I can say, “Sorry, got these sacks”.
90]Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you
91]I don’t like cocaine, i just like the way it smells;)
92]I haven’t slept for 10 days, because that would be too long.
93]Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
94]One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
95]It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
96]Dear Mario…..I Wasted My Childhood Trying To Save Your Girlfriend.Now, you help me to save mine.
97]Think about it ..every time we look back at ourselves five years ago we think we were an idiot.
98]apni to bass ek hi zeed he…. sar pe Taaj… Sath me koi Khasss aur is kamini duniya pe Raaaajjj !!…(hindi)
99]We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
100]I Loved A Girl and She Broke my heart….. Now every piece of my heart love DifferenT Girlz…. People called it flirt Thats Not fair…
101]Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
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